My absence was mostly to do with more computer/internet problems... I am so fed-up of computer problems.

My cat gave birth to 2 kittens on the 18th & 19th of oct. They are adorable and she's a wonderful mummy. Her brother (not one of the biological fathers!!!) is a wonderful surrogate father :)

I found out I was pregnant and then had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago.

I stopped homeschooling Brandon; he left me little choice so he has been going to school since the beginning of term 4.

The bad luck, the anger, the negativity that has touched our lives has to end soon. I'm fed-up. I want us to go forward.

I've got a girl's night out tonight so that should have me in a better frame of mind.

And for the record the Rogue Traders rocked!!!!

Current Mood: discontent

Hey it's a beautiful morning (though still dark outside) and I'm feeling at one with the universe and feeling almost complete peace. :) Yes I'm even about to burst into song :) and no I'm not on drugs!!! (at least not that type *g*).

It's been a while since I felt like this and a while since I last posted anything. The main reason for my continued abscence has been due to the elimination diet and the way it's been knocking me around; for the most part I'm feeling good and no longer what to do anything drastic as a result of what we've been eating/not eating but from 7.00-8.00 pm most nights I'm ready to bed. Some nights I have to rush the kids off to bed before I succumb to utter exhaistion and I sleep most of the night through until 7.00-8.00 am (waking up to bring JJ to bed and for feeds but not much else). I've been hating this; I've lost a lot of my personal time esp for ANYTHING computer related. Last night was another E\early night and I woke around 1.30 am. I don't have JJ at the moment (he is spending time at his aunt's before we go on holiday) and I was feeling well rested and refreshed so I watched some telly and then around 3am I decided to get up and read email and surf the net thinking I could go back to bed around 4.oo am or so. 5.00 am came and i hopped into the shower, dressed for the day and began replying to emails that I have neglected in months. I'm not feeling tired and I'm actually looking forward to the day (even though I have loads to do today as we leave tomorrow to go on holiday and arrange for our belongings to be shipped back... finally!!! doing a snoopy dance here by the way).

I'm not sure if this feeling will be here tomorrow but I'm loving it now :)

anyway I will try to post more later today. I have things to organise and I want to try to play catch-up too :) (esp on LJ comments & reading)

may the goddes bless you
pinch and a punch for the first day of the month

Bron :)

hehehe ;)

I'm alive, just been M.I.A for a little while... when things settle a bit more I will catch up with lj friends.... reply to comments, post comments etc.... It's not a promise; it's a threat ;) snerk :)

hugs to all that want them :)

Bron

Current Mood: pensive

I have a touch of the blahs at the moment... I usually don't mind my own company but it is just fucking me off at the moment. I hate feeling like this; lonely, weepy, unable to concentrate. I've had major money probs over the last few days thanks to some major fuck-ups with paypal and my bank; I have no idea how to get out of the situation. I still have no idea how to get our belongings down from nsw... there are clothes in the cargo container that Jackson will no longer fit in. I want to sleep in my own bed and be able to wash my clothes anytime I like etc. The kids have been marvellous not complaining about not being able to have their fav toys, books, dvds etc. I don't want to have to wait any longer, nor do I want to spend the whole baby bonus (in July) to pay to get our goods up here. I want to be able to use the bonus to take the kids to NSW for a visit and take them to places like the zoo etc. I feel like a failure.

I want TJ and I to work things out; we're not fighting at the moment but I don't think he's moving in anytime soon. I don't need a man to make me complete but I want him back in our life full-time, not just a few mins here or a couple of hours there. He's getting set up in his sister's place nicely now. The people she was sharing with have moved out so he has moved into the top floor where they lived.

I will reply to comments sooner or later but not at the moment. I have read the comments but I've got a lot I'm trying to juggle at the moment.


*******************************
Edit: Could I sound anymore whiney? "boo hoo" "poor me"... well get a life then.

Current Mood: apathetic

Well I went out on Friday Night with G and had an absolute blast :) Thank you G; I definately needed that time out from the kids etc. I came back feeling refreshed and alive. I worked out the last time I went out by myself (not including to my parents or sister-in-law's place) was when I went to the James Marsters con last year (where I first met G in the flesh - so to speak -).

TANG was great but the only propb with seeing them last was I had lost some of my hearing by then; but it was great to see them play. :) And I loved the Duckie song. They seem like a fun bunch of guys.

I'll probable expand on this post later... the kids are too much of a distraction at the moment. :)

Anyway G is a goddess :)

Current Mood: giddy

I love/d Tom Baker as the Doctor [the jelly babies and his scarf have always stayed with me]. Until C.E. he was my fav Dr Who of all time :)

Here is a cool site dedicated to the Dr Who scarf. :) [found through http://community.livejournal.com/craftgrrl/]

http://www.doctorwhoscarf.com/

I have wanted one of these scarves for years (genuine or replica). It almost broke my heart when Tom's successor "destroyed" the scarf by unravelling it.

Current Mood: contemplative

I'm editor for an international Pagan ezine (Raven_News). Since taking over as editor I haven't done a really good job (2 ezines in 2 years) but I promised myself that would change. So here goes:

Call for submissions :)
I'm looking for reviews, announcements, questions, poems, stories, articles, spells, songs, jokes, astrology, recipes, craft, lessons etc. I cannot pay for submissions but your submission will be seen by 3000+ people from around the world so you will get exposure :)

Suggestions of themes:
life's purpose, choosing your path, pagan parenting, healing, the sabbats.

Please spread the word :)

blessed be
Bron :)

Current Mood: awake

I already knew that I was allergic/sensitive/intolerant (not sure which term is correct in this case) to chocolate but it's taken this elimination eating plan to see just how much of a bad reation I have to chocolate. I did a chocolate challenge on Saturday night and by Sunday morning I was feeling hungover. I had a migraine (no surprise there as that often happens with choccie for me) but I also felt dehydrated, cranky, deaf, my mouth felt dry, and I felt generally wiped out. It's not unusual for a migraine to leave me feeling like this but this was beyond what I have experienced with choc-induced migraines. Now to find out if it's the dairy in the choc that I react to or something else. Years ago I suspected that I had an intolerance to milk but didn't pursue it as I couldn't stand soya milk (I still cant but it's slowly growing on me).

more on the elimination later... I just wish I had a bit more support with it. Mum & Dad are all for it but are too far away to be supportive and TJ & L (his sister) don't really seem that convinced, though TJ was apologetic when he gave the kids soda/soft drink some days ago. Other than that he appears to think that this is just me making another "excuse" for Brandon just to piss him (TJ) off. Yeah as if that's all I do; spend my time thinking up excuses for why BRandon is the way he is... well excuse me if I think it's relevant that 18 + mths ago I left the only dad Brandon had even known, that his "dad" didn't have much time for him, that we moved interstate, that TJ and I broke up... and so on. Yes Brandon can be manipulative, lazy, selectively deaf etc but if underneath all of that is some trigger that can be treated (eg food) then I want to know. I've got to eliminate all possibilities before writing my son off. But intsead of being supported for my decisions I constantly have to defend them and face accusations at the same time of babying him.

What is it about guys; they seem to love your kids until you move in with them and/or they have their own kid [and don't even get me started on the whole "fathers' rights" b-s issues that spring up once they have a child of their own; even if at the same time they are saying that other father's don't deserve rights; puh...lease, who died and made you the supreme being of the world (can we sense some pent up resentment here???)]

My track record with men sucks and I've never met a woman that I wanted to have a relationship with [actually that's not true, I meet woman that I'd love to have a relationship with it's just that I haven't fancied them physically - go figure] so I guess if TJ and I can't get our act together I'll be going solo at least until the kids are much older. I just don't undersatnd the way that love can be such a cruel joke. I finally meet someone that I'm not emotionally afraid to spend the rest of my life with, that I actually want to marry and we can't make it work anymore. What's wrong with me? Am I deliberately trying to screw up another relationship here because I'm so afraid of being happy??? From what I hear it's probably true...

when did this turn into a pity party... I'm so glad I didn't write anything yesterday while I was feeling so sick; it would have been even more of a downer to read.

I should think about getting some sleep or pethaps checking on the cats... instead of feeling sorry for myself... bah humbug!!!!!!

Current Mood: apathetic

I'll be on my way to bed soon but i wanted to capture a few loose thoughts; preferably my own but we can't be choosy can we? ;)

The kids and I have been on an elimination "diet" (eating plan) for 2+ weeks. I finally decided to give it a go after Brandon's temper tantrums were getting out of hand and I actually became scared of him and for him. There are other factors involved in his behaviour but I have long felt that there was some other underlying cause (not ADD or ADHD). The funny things is though after we'd already started this new eating plan there have been several items on tv about allergies, preservatives etc etc, so it feels like I've jumped on a bandwangon (even if I haven't) and most importantly it feels like the universe is giving me a sign telling me that I'm on the right track (i.e. syncronisty).

Now I've seen enough changes in the kids and felt enough in me to believe fully that I'm on the right track. 3 weeks ago I felt that I was an absolute shit mother and asked my mum and dad to look after Brandon if there was no change in him for the better. Now I'm actually enjoying his company for the first time in a long time.

However, TJ (my no-longer-living-with-us boyfriend and father of Jackson for those not in the loop) isn't convinced and we had another fight today. Yeah I'm fed up with fights, etc etc. It seems so much like we have to prove ourselves to him and it is realling beginning to annoy me. After several failed relationships i know enough to recognise that TJ is the love of my life blah blah woof woof but his stance on things in bugging me to the extreme. I know I'm not perfect, not by a long shot, and my faults are many, but I'm trying to heal the rift between us and nothing I do is right anymore. It's painful to watch us; anybody can see we love each other deeply but we both can't get past the wall that's built up between us. I'm surprised we even managed to agree on access visits etc (and TJ's lawyer sure didn't help things but that's another story) but we did. He infuriates me; one minute he's the guy I fell in love with and doing something sweet, the next minute he's being a complete and utter jerk. If we don't get counselling soon I know that we won't make it and that'll be it for me. I'll play around but no more full-on relationships. I can't do it again. I don't have a problem being a sole parent (been there, don't that and wrote the book on it); I'm fine being in my own company and I sure as hell don't need a man to complete me... [note to self: if I don't believe in hell then surely the expression "as sure as hell" is totally meaningless?????]... what I need to do is to continue getting to know myself and build a life for me and my babes. We moved interstate for a new life and if that new life is without TJ so be it [yeah that's convincing for sure].

well anyway, I'd better head off to bed. Even though I'm not doing the markets tomorrow (long story) I still need to get up early so that I can hand things over to TJ in the morning (he is still doing the markets) and I promised Sarah she could watch the purple dinosaur on tv!

keep on truckin' [go marge!!!]
Bron :)

I should have done this days ago and followed my conscience.

For the full story check out:
http://dreamalynn.livejournal.com/
http://wickedgillie.livejournal.com/

As a breastfeeding mum I refuse to be told where and when I can breastfeed my baby in RL so the same goes for LJ. While I agree that breasts are sexy to look at the icons depicting breastfeeding are not meant to be titilating (pun intended) or for anyone's sexual pleasure so there should be no offence caused. Those who are the loudest in their objections to public displays of breastfeeding are usually men who feel that boobs/breasts should be reserved for their own sexual gratification. I only wish that I had my pics of my daughter feeding so that I could use these as my default icon. Would this be an issue so much if men breastfed and wanted to show the pics.

This is not to say I am anti-bottlefeeding either; I couldn't breastfeed my firstborn for long so I'm for a mother's freedom to choose to bottle or breast feed.

Current Mood: infuriated

*******************
I'm not as big a nerd as I thought I was. Yaaaaay! (can we tell I'm uninspired at the moment????)

Current Mood: blah

A Belated Happy Mothers' Day to all :)

My Mothers' Day had it's ups and downs.

On the upside, I received a new witches broom from Sarah, Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix + a Libra (starsign) notepad from Brandon, A Tarot Set (in a tin box) from Jackson and a new strap for my mobile phone from TJ.

As for the downs I just don't want to go there anymore.

I miss my mummy though :( but we spoke on the phone for a while and we'll be seeing her in a few weeks (cross fingers).

A couple of days ago I created a journal (id is raven_news) & community for Raven_News; more on that later when I begin to post in it.

I also created a homeschool journal a week or so ago:
http://eclecticpaganmum.homeschooljournal.net/
it only has 2 posts in it at the moment but I'll be updating that soon.

that's it for now. :)
more later I hope

Current Mood: okay

I mostly created an online journal as a place to sort out my head [*snerk* - enough said ;)] and somewhere that I could "voice" (so to speak) my opinion on all things (to save the wear and tear on my family). I love to write so why the hell is it so hard for me to commit to a journal (or an email, website, ezine etc for that matter)? I mean it's not writer's block, anti-technology, or laziness ... so what is the problem? Fear??? most definately. But fear of what??? ridicule, boring people to death, finding out I'm a loud-mouth hack??? hmmmmm "a little of column a and a little of column b" (to misquote grandpa simpson) or more simply put, "all of the above".

what to do about it???? suggestions???? about from tying myself down (hmmmmm *snerk*) I'm not sure what to do?

Anyway, long story short and all of that, I am going to try to post more... I mean 18 months since my last entry... how pathetic! ;) That's life for you though isn't it? What do they say... something like "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans"??? If I had a dollar for all the times that's happened to me I'd have a lot of dollars (but still no cents ;) *snerk*)...

Sarah's awake and roaming the halls and I'm sure Jackson is due to wake for a feed anytime soon... yep, there he goes with his little whimper...

in the words of arnie "I'll be back"...

sloopy kisses :)

Current Mood: melancholy

Your Viking Name is...
Birna Ferretcrusher
(Well, actually, that wouldn't really be your name -- since you're female, your name would be something like "Birna Björnsdottir". But this is the twenty-first century, and you want to be known for who you are, not for who your father was, right? Right.)

Your Viking Personality: The tougher Vikings might let you on the boat, but generally only when they need ballast. You have a thirst for battle, and tend to strike first and think later. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you're no "berserker".

If you ever tried to make a voyage in a Viking longboat, you would die. Either from seasickness, or from your shipmates throwing you overboard into shark-infested waters. Other Vikings would consider you "one of the guys" if you were a guy. (But even though you're a woman, they still think you're all right.)

People tend to treat you like a doormat, generally because they know they can get away with it. Other people tend to think of you as manipulative and conniving.

http://www.thequarter.org/Media/VikingName.php

Current Mood: restless

Wow!!!!!!!! Has it been that long since I last posted? What a slacker !?! lmao

I have just briefly updated my profile... so much has changed including number of kids I have and my location... but hey I'm still just as weird as before (if not weirder)... but ah well that's life :)

keep smiling :)

big sloopy kisses ;)

Current Mood: indescribable

A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A True friend will be sitting right beside you saying "Damn...That was fun!"



(edited to add): Icon proudly brought to you by "Stacey_UK"... ;)

Current Mood: annoyed

well heydie ho everyone....

i have a lot to catch y'all up on....

Rob & I have split finally... I got fed up of being controlled, depressed, manipulated etc etc... so it's over. Now I just have all the bullshit that comes with break-ups.

On the upside I've found a new playmate and am enjoying life... no promises, no expectations (that's my new motto these days). Rob was seven and 1/2 years older, my new playmate is 7 years younger... mmmmmmm

lots more to add and so much to catch up on but for the most part I'm feeling alive. :)

Current Mood: bitchy